wait, seriously?

like a flash in the pan, two years have gone before me. how did that happen? maybe i blinked and missed a month or so. exactly two years ago today, i moved to new jersey. i remember the day very clearly. my parents helped me shove all of my worldly possessions (which equalled a bed, a bookshelf, and a rather large toaster oven) into my rinky-dink apartment that would soon be sucking astronomical amounts of money from my bank account. after a day of the usual arguing and such, they left for pittsburgh, and there i was sitting on the floor of my furniture-less home, crying like a baby at my new surroundings. was i really going to do this? did i really think that i could get my masters? i better study my ass off for all of those entrance exams so i don't get too behind. will i ever be able to afford a couch to sit on? why does it smell so much like paint all the time? none of my neighbors speak english. but i'll never get to see my friends from college again! no one here will be like the friends i have just left. where the heck is the grocery store? oh my god, i forgot to mapquest how to get to the school from here. what if i'm late on my first day? um, will i actually be able to pay my rent? did somebody just get shot in the parking lot? wow, i've never felt so alone.

and look what's happened now. i love living here. despite my best efforts, i have made some pretty incredible friends. i live in a great townhouse in a really accessible area. i'm not too far from the ocean and my extended family. i have spent more money that i ever dreamed, but now i am also earning some to even it out. i have grown so much as a musician and an artist while i have been here, not to mention what i've learned as a woman and christian. my horizons are far broader, my mind more open. questions have not so much been answered as they have been raised. i realize i know practically nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet i know so much more than i did when i first arrived.

all i can say is, i really did it, and i'm so glad i did. so now, when i'm approaching the future with fear and trepidation, not knowing which step to take next, i have to remind myself that this is all a part of the journey. i guess we'll see what i'm writing two years from today.