WARNING: Do not read this if you love squirrels.
NOTE: If you do love them and think they're cute and cuddly and funny with their little furry tales and freakish black eyes, you're making a big mistake and playing right into their nut-grabbing, little hands.
I am so over squirrels.
Here are my grievances and general comments for the squirrel population at large:
1) Stop looking at me.
2) Stop pretending like you're not looking at me when i know you are.
3) Stop crawling out from under cars when I walk by them.
4) Stop digging up all of my plants, you little, freakish savages. (Thanks to you, my pansies, zinnias, and morning glories are all dead.)
5) Stop impersonating cats.
6) Stop terrorizing me and the other girls in the leasing office like you did last week. Just stay the heck outside--maybe go stand in the road, for a start.
7) Stop jumping from tree to tree--you weren't raised in a barn.
8) Stop mating on my patio.
9) Stop crawling in and out of the trash can by the library.
10) Go lick the grass that i covered with pine-sol this evening.
Seriously.
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4 comments:
Welcome to my world. I am so proud of you. Now I have a buddy on my side. Squirrels are evil. It's a fact. They tried to trip me all the time. I hate them. I wrote a poem about my hatred for them. I found this website sometime this year about how they're evil. They had anti squirrel t-shirts that you could buy. I'll find it for you.
I like you're list of what they need to stop doing. Do you think they'll listen though? I don't, because they are evil.
I told my students about how they're evil. One of my students shot one while he was hunting just for me. Now, that's what I call teacher appreciation.
I wrote you're instead of your, and that bothers me. So do squirrels...they bother me a lot.
i would like to read your poem about squirrel-hating, katie. i'm so glad that we can be allies on this one. evil is not even the word.
and ew, murd, WHITE squirrels? i think i might throw up. well, i can't throw up, but if i could, i would so do it.
just discovered your blog ... after months of seeing your name in other people's list links and thinking I would a. not like your blog or b. not be cool enough to read. But now that i know you write about squirrels, you're my favorite.
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